


Sometimes, My Life Just Sucks

by Eldritch



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Riordan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-28
Updated: 2009-05-28
Packaged: 2017-10-02 15:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eldritch/pseuds/Eldritch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years after the events of The Last Olympian, Percy finds himself in yet another mess -- courtesy Nico di Angelo. Somehow, he's not surprised. [Non-HoO compliant.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes, My Life Just Sucks

The trouble with being invulnerable was that after a while, people tended to, well, treat you like it. Pretty obvious, right? Except that somehow, until the battle with the Titans was over, it had never occurred to me. In my defense, saving the world is kind of distracting. But since then, let me tell you, I'm beginning to realize what Achilles was talking about when he gave me his doom and gloom speech regarding the whole idea.

It's one thing when I'm the one making the decision to throw myself headfirst into a crowd of monsters. It's a totally different ballgame when it's someone else launching you there with a mumbled apology about using you as some sort of half-blood tank/shield/death-machine combo. "Sorry, but we need someone to distract them, Percy!" they'd say, shoving me out in front of a whole flock of Stymphalian birds. Or, hey, it's a Chimera! "Jackson, sorry, but can you take care of the tail?" Yeah, sure, okay.

Don't get me wrong. It's nice to feel useful. But I'm not a big fan of the exhaustion afterwards. Annabeth has added 'Sleeping Beauty' to her list of nicknames for me, and if that isn't embarrassing, I don't know what is. Come to think of it, though, it's led to some pretty nice wakeup calls. So I guess I can't complain too much. Heh.

...

Where was I? Oh, yeah. The point is, I was getting used to feeling a little nervous every time someone apologized to me out of the blue. Which is why when  Nico di Angelo darted out behind a tall oak, tacked me at a dead run, and hissed, "For the record, Percy? I'm really, _really_ sorry about this," all I could do was give a mental groan.

So much for a relaxing walk through Central Park.

I didn't have enough time to ask him if he meant the tackle or what, because the moment we hit the ground -- in the shade cast by a second tree, how convenient -- we were shadow traveling. There was the usual stomach-lurging feeling of being on a rollercoaster jacked up to a speed faster than any human or demigod was ever meant to go. In the dark. With no seatbelts. It was over way too quickly, and not for the first time I wondered wistfully if there wasn't some way to turn shadow traveling into some sort of amusement park ride. Hey, a guy can dream.

"Sorry," Nico said again, when we reached our destination. He was crouched on all fours over me, still in the same position he'd landed in when he'd tackled me. His dark hair, which was even longer than I'd remembered it, hung around his face like a curtain.

I stared up at the tall ceiling covered in stalactites, and considered the gravelly floor poking into my back. "Nico," I said slowly, with what I thought was an admirable amount of restraint. "Two things."

"Yeah?" he asked.

"One, get off of me." I waited until Nico had complied, then sat up and brushed some rock dust from my hair. "Two, and this is the important one, what the _hell_ are we doing in the Underworld?" I paused. "Pun not intended."

At least Nico had the grace to look embarrassed. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt, one of his seemingly endless stock of death-themed t-shirts. "I need a favor," he said. Something on my face must have given away how unimpressed I was with that statement, because he quickly added, "It's nothing dangerous."

"If it's nothing dangerous, what's with the kidnapping act?" I asked, not bothering to keep the irritation from my voice.

Nico hesitated. For the first time, I noticed that he looked paler than usual. There were dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't been sleeping, and he had a harried look about him. Something was obviously bothering the kid, and for a second I felt sorry for him. Or at least I did until he opened his mouth.

"There's this girl..." he began.

I stared at him like he'd grown a second head. "You brought me to the Underworld because you're having _girl_ trouble?!" I demanded. "Do I look like a half-blood Ann Landers to you?"

"If I wanted advice, I could have asked the ghost of the real Ann Landers myself," Nico said, which was a good point. "Just because I--" He went pale and didn't finish his sentence, staring at something over my shoulder.

"Nico?" I asked.

Nico swore in Ancient Greek, and before I knew what was happening, he'd grabbed me for the second time in several minutes. I found myself being yanked to my feet and shoved up against the cavern wall none too gently, with one of Nico's hands covering my mouth. "Shh," he hissed, leaning in a little too close for comfort. "Just play along, all right?"

Even though Nico had a slight height advantage on me these days, I still outmatched him in terms of muscle mass, and was about to prove it by yanking his hand away from my face. Which was, of course, when Nico pulled it away on his own.

And kissed me.

The most unnerving thing about kissing Nico, aside from the fact that I was _kissing Nico_, was that his mouth was cold. He felt like he'd just stepped out of one of those walk-in refrigeration units, which is my excuse for why I shivered when he pressed the full length of his too-skinny body against mine. The kiss was clumsy, partially because I was just standing there, shocked and gape-mouthed, like one of Medusa's statues, and partially because Nico was pretty obviously new to the whole kissing thing.

Eventually, Nico broke the kiss, saving me from having to awkwardly push him away. His eyes glittered triumphantly, which was sort of disturbing, and he ran his tongue over his now-pink lips.

"What the _fu_\--" I began. My mind was still pathetically whirling as I tried to process all this, when there was a girlish shriek from somewhere nearby.

We both turned to face the source of the voice. A group of pale teenage girls with dark, flowing hair materialized out of the darkness. They wore black peplos and were carrying flickering torches. Even without the matching outfits, they looked almost identical. Let me tell you, if you spend enough time in my world, you get pretty good at identifying nymphs on sight. These girls were definitely nymphs, and an upset ones, at that. Their full lips were set in identical angry pouts.

Girl trouble, huh.

"Daughters of Orphene," Nico said to them, his voice flat. Under his breath, he added for my benefit, "They're Lampades. The kids of one of Hekate's servants and the Acheron."

"Seriously?" I muttered. My lips still felt numb.

One of the nymphs stepped forward, clutching her torch tightly. "You should have just _said_ something," she said, her eyes fixed on Nico. She gave an irritated sniff and vanished back into the darkness. Her sisters hesitated for a moment longer, then joined her.

Nico gave a sigh of relief. "Finally. Maybe they'll leave me alone, now."

I stared at him in horror. "Did you just convince a bunch of nymphs that--"

"--that I'm dating you?" Nico shrugged. "Yeah. They're really persistent, and it's not like their mom ever listens to anyone, so I couldn't ask her to call them off. She's still bitter about the Titan thing, anyway. But their dad's a river. So I figured they wouldn't want to mess with anyone connected to Poseidon."

To be honest, I almost punched him. It wasn't so much that I minded the kiss, because as weird as it had been kissing someone I could still picture as an over-enthusiastic ten year old, it was just a kiss. And Annabeth would understand. It wasn't even because he apparently thought that apologizing ahead of time cleared him of any guilt afterwards. Nah, I almost punched him just because it was such a Nico thing to do. He's great at coming up with ideas, but not so good with the whole planning for consequences thing. "Nico," I ground out, "what if your dad finds out? He hates me! What's he going to think if he hears someone saw us _kissing_?"

Nico looked at me blankly, like he didn't understand why I was so upset. "I'll just tell him the truth."

"And if he sends an undead army after me _before_ you talk to him?" When it came to me, Hades was the type to strike first and ask questions later. Much later. Maybe never. And by that time, I'd be rotting in a cell somewhere in the Underworld.

"Well," Nico said slowly, "you'd be able to handle it, right? After all, it's not like they can kill you."

Achilles was right. Being invulnerable _sucks_.

**Author's Note:**

> Adding author's notes 4.5 years after the fic was originally posted? YOU DON'T SAY.
> 
> Anyway, you can probably guess what I'm about to say here: this was written long before House of Hades (and any of the Heroes of Olympus books) came out, and as such has been proven to be both closer to canon than I thought but also kind of OOC of Nico in how he handles his sexuality. So uh. Yeah! In any case, I'm happy that so many people enjoy this silly little fic, and I hope that you'll still like it as some weird AU split after The Last Olympian where Percy's still invulnerable and Nico is more well-adjusted than his canon counterpart &lt;3


End file.
